abnabooks Chapter 484 Diary - Three - IV
Chapter 484 Diary - Three - IV
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[Day Eighty-One. ]
Ansel tested the outside me again.
He used Seraphina... to make me anxious, leveraging Seraphina's current status and his concern for her to destroy my already fragile sanity.
Coupled with the aid of fate, the outside me is now on the brink of collapse.
His control over human emotions is impeccable, and his plan is flawless.
It's dangerous; I am no match for Ansel... My choice was correct.
If I hadn't erased my memories, I couldn't have deceived Ansel. Discovering the problem while he completely distrusts me would have ruined everything.
I'm sorry, Ansel, for turning you into what you are now.
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[Day Ninety.]
Seraphina's birthday... Ansel deliberately invited the outside me, likely to use Seraphina's loyalty to further undermine her.
Not just that, but Ansel's kindness and affection towards Seraphina would plunge the outside me into nostalgic memories of our time together, leading to deep regret.
As expected, the pure loyalty and affection Seraphina shows Ansel are beyond my reach.
Even now, I can't be as pure as she is. Ansel needs someone like her, someone who gives him a sense of security.
I will never be that person. Even if I stand by Ansel's side, I will always argue with him, refute his opinions, and question his thoughts. In the end, a girl like Seraphina is more likable.
But I will never become more likable. I don't need Ansel to like me.
I am simply doing what I believe is right, as I always have.
But the outside me can't make such a resolution. She probably only feels regret... nothing but regret.
Ansel's ambivalent attitude, this contrast and comparison, leaves the outside me with no escape.
Only from this detached perspective, fully aware of all changes, can I see everything clearly. Otherwise, if I were in her place, I would be just another person manipulated by Ansel.
But from this... I can confirm one thing.
Ansel's situation... is becoming increasingly dangerous.
His feelings for Seraphina are genuine; he needs and relies on her sincere love.
Yet, even so, Ansel can use Seraphina's birthday to scheme against the outside me.
This has become his instinct. In some ways, he is colder and more resolute than I am.
Seraphina is one of the most important people to him, yet he can still use his feelings for her to manipulate me.
Stop this, Ansel.
...
I encountered Lady Hydral, Annelisa.
But still... it was hard to accept. When I heard Madam Ronger say it herself, I lost my composure, only slightly better than the outside me did.
So, Ansel not only wants to shatter my dignity but also strip away everything around me step by step? The outside me... have already begun to rely more and more on Ansel.
... I too, want to rely on him.
I am very tired, Ansel. These truths... can I stop looking at them?
No... you must continue, Ravenna.
Even if Ansel is so cruel to you now, you must continue.
...
Ansel took me to see Leiden. How could he have fallen to such a state?
It turns out he left everything to me, he left everything—
Father... did you and Mother truly care for me? What really happened back then... why did everything turn out this way? Why has it come to this?
From the elders beside me to my blood relatives, Ansel... do you wish to replace everyone around me? Is that why you chose the title of Father?
The outside me couldn't accept it then, and for now I can't accept it either, but she had no choice; she was already ensnared by Ansel's schemes.
What is Ansel planning next... I have a very bad feeling.
Grandfather's death... could it be related to Ansel?
...
No, that's not right... this is Ansel's way of breaking me, of taming me. My persistence and pursuit must come from the heart, of course, of course...
How could I be... meaningless?
It took me a very long time to calm down.
Ansel's questions... I have no way to refute them.
I have no way to refute him. Why am I so obsessed with that ideal, even though I have never interacted with any commoners, never truly witnessed their lives?
But... but I am much better than the me outside who has nothing but ideals.
In my heart, there is still Ansel. I can more calmly... calmly understand all this.
Perhaps Ansel is right; I simply want to change the world. I have never truly cared about the commoners, but the question is, where do these thoughts, this persistence, come from...
Another key point is that Ansel's question can be applied to himself.
He says his pursuit of ideals is a lie, but I know very well that it is definitely not a lie.
So... where does Ansel's sincere passion come from? As a divine species, why is he so... special?
Fate, the fate-knowing Ansel, who possesses knowledge beyond the times, in character and thought, is nothing like a divine species, nothing like a noble, such a different Ansel.
Your next journey awaits at empire
And... it seems he can anchor the unknown, fully understanding the development of so many things.
I feel that I am not far from the truth.
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