I Really Didn't Want to Be the Savior

Chapter 417

For a long time, Chen Feng looked at his close lover sleeping beside his pillow by the moonlight.

There was some emptiness in his mind, and many miscellaneous thoughts were surging and boiling.

His memories gradually flow uncontrollably.

Since they met, from misunderstanding and suspicion to dependence, and then to mutual appreciation, to Chen Feng's shame, Zhong Lei's love deepened, and then to Chen Feng's final showdown and confession. They wanted to say goodbye, but bit by bit deeper and deeper emerged from the bottom of his heart, and then swallowed up his mood.

Mingming is now very familiar with each other, but Chen Feng still deeply remembers the unspeakable shock in his heart when he just recognized Zhong Lei and found that she was Beethoven in the next millennium.

At that time, Chen Feng didn't dare to expect too much. He just thought that even if he became an ordinary friend, he would be satisfied to say two more words.

He never thought that he would have finished his ninth life in just nine months. He had seen countless life and death, and the whole person was reborn. Now he finally managed to become a more great "female Beethoven".

Obviously, it has become a fact, but he still feels like an separated life and can't believe it.

It's like a dream. There are ups and downs and happiness and satisfaction in this big dream. Chen Feng knows it's a dream, but he doesn't want to wake up and can't wake up.

He also occasionally fantasized that if there was no crisis, everything would continue to go on smoothly, and then he would always look up to the higher Zhong Lei in the ordinary, and sometimes feel sorry for himself and lament why he didn't have a better relationship with each other when he was a neighbor.

This fate may be sad for yourself, but it is hard to tell whether civilization is good or bad.

Chen Feng took another peek at Zhong Lei and buried his face in the pillow.

At this time, he did not know whether he was ashamed or excited, and perhaps he had a heavy sense of responsibility.

This was the first time in a long time that he had passed through when another person fell asleep beside him.

Oh.

It's time to go to sleep. I hope I can do better this time.

certain!

The next morning, Chen Feng opened his eyes vaguely.

The furnishings in the room are still familiar.

Sixteen pairs of woolen trousers that were shaken off to the ground with a quilt last night were stacked neatly on the bedside table.

Chen Feng rubbed his eyes, sat up straight and looked around.

It is still the master bedroom of its own villa.

Huh?

About five seconds later, he realized something. His pupils suddenly widened, his face became extremely distorted, and there was a sense of panic and loss.

Chen Feng's teeth crunched.

Finished... Finished!

I didn't go!

Crossing failed!

What about this?

Did we win this time?

My mission is over?

The finale?

How's Tang Tianxin?

How's everyone?

Have humans rushed out of the solar system?

Is it really... Over?

Compound eye civilization is so powerful. Did I really do so well this time to successfully destroy the fleet of compound eye civilization in the galaxy?

Will the parent star of the compound eye civilization in the Virgo local galaxy group send a new, larger and more advanced fleet?

What is the next step for a super civilization that makes solar domes and electronic black holes?

How do we fight this war?

How on earth did you win?

Or did we actually lose?

Just the energy that supports me to travel through time and space is exhausted?

……

Ten thousand made him anxious all the time, but he said that if he didn't clean up the mess, problems arose in his mind one by one.

These seemingly simple, but often related to the life and death of tens of billions of people, as well as the survival of the whole civilization, constantly hit his mind.

Gradually, Chen Feng's face was as gray as death, and he held his head in his hands, feeling extremely annoyed and frightened.

He had long feared that such a day would come.

That is, he suddenly loses the ability to travel through time and space, and then he doesn't know what will happen next. He can only leave the future to fate.

Yes, I have arranged how to go in my next life, and I also have inexhaustible wealth potential. In 20 or 30 years at the latest, I am destined to become the richest man in the world and the respected leader of science and art. This time, I may also become an invisible big man in politics.

But does it make sense?

Who is not a cup of loess after all?

What I want is not the present, but the future!

Asshole, why did you give me up.

Give me a few more chances and I may succeed!

I know that shuttling through time and space is like copying the universe. The energy consumption is so large that it is beyond my imagination. Shall I lower my requirements?

Give me another chance, even once!

Don't give us up with a disagreement!

Human beings... Have really worked hard!

It's not fair!

Unconsciously, Chen Feng clenched his fists and his eyes were red.

Emotion told him that he could not give up and admit defeat, but reason told him that it was impossible.

I haven't done enough, far from enough.

This time, humans may not even be able to completely plant warships, let alone find a way to crack the grid links, energy field shields and super materials of edge ships.

It will still be defeated.

What should I do?

In addition, there is another reason to tell him.

Give up. It's a thousand years later.

By then, his tombstone will have been yellowing and weathered, and he will have been dead for a long time.

Even if mankind perishes, what does it have to do with me?

But he couldn't help but have names in his mind.

Tang Tianxin, Lin Bu, Ding Hu, ou Qinglan, Dong Shan, Ouyang Zhenghua, Sergei, Lai Wenming

These people have firmly linked his heart to the future and can no longer be separated.

He is no longer a pure man of the 21st century. He will be more desperate, more frightened, more nervous and remorseful than any of the respondents in the Oxford professor's questionnaire.

The end of others is hypothetical, and his end is real.

He can't be indifferent to himself, so he will feel pain.

He always thought, so many people, generation after generation of struggle and efforts, but after all, they still have to face the end of being completely cut off.

Will die, everyone will die, and everyone will be ruthlessly erased.

Obviously we have worked so hard.

But our enemy is too strong, too strong, and there are unimaginable forces behind the enemy.

I... what should I do?

I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I let you down.

This time... I failed!

Sometimes the memory is too good to forget, which is also a great sadness.

The so-called essence of forgetting need not be repeated, but the significance of forgetting to people is not only the loss of some memories, but also the ability of human self-protection.

The most easily forgotten thing, the most unstable quantum spiral structure in the human brain, is what will bring pain to people.

Under the subtle impact of emotional needs, these painful quantum spirals that make up memories will continue to be impacted and disintegrate at a faster speed.

However, Chen Feng's memory is getting stronger and stronger, and his talent for forgetting is getting weaker and weaker.

He will remember good things and painful feelings.

Chen Feng can clearly perceive that with the continuous improvement of gene arousal, in addition to physical changes, the memory, logical analysis ability and thinking sharpness of the human brain are continuously improving, and his perception of pain and happiness is also continuously improving.

However, pain is always more profound in memory. When most people recall their childhood, they most think of those pictures of sadness and anger.

Happy memories are always very short and ethereal.

Therefore, with the improvement of memory, the emotional impact caused by pain will become stronger and stronger.

In the face of this increasingly strong emotional impact, human demand for willpower is also invisible.

Willpower is a very mysterious thing.

Will often changes with people's insight, knowledge and experience. At the same time, it will also be based on the current world outlook and the historical precipitation handed down by the whole civilization.

Chen Feng gradually understood one thing.

No wonder human gene arousal in the 21st century can only reach 25%.

This is clearly an instinct of biological self-protection.

When unable to bear its weight, human beings do not deserve such ability.

Weak populations have too strong thinking ability in advance, which does not necessarily bring a better future.

There is more likely to be a large-scale psychological collapse in the population, which will lead to the collapse of civilization.

Assuming that the "indigenous people" of the second 21st century have the same arousal and thinking ability at this time, let alone make some achievements, I'm afraid the pain accumulated in the heart of super memory will make this person instantly collapse and become a madman.

Chen Feng can hold on because he has gone to the future many times before he slowly grows up. Maybe he himself has some talents in tolerance.

But people with strong willpower also need time to eliminate negative emotions. It's impossible to deceive themselves and others by saying that I'm okay, I'm really okay.

At this time, Chen Feng could no longer control his mood. He held his head in his hands and rubbed his hair all the time.

He was in unspeakable loss and sadness.

He turned out his notebook full of the five hundred year plan and looked at the handwriting on it.

Chen Feng took a deep breath. He fought with heaven and man in his mind, constantly deduced and calculated, and tried to deceive himself to come to a conclusion. He wanted to deceive himself. He had to tell himself that as long as he strictly implemented the five hundred year plan, he would succeed.

However, after a long time, he threw the notebook forward fiercely.

Pop!

The thick book was printed on the large screen TV in front.

Chen Feng looked up at the sky and his hands trembled uncontrollably.

It's impossible. You're bound to lose.

I can't lie to myself.

It's all my fault. If I work harder and fight harder, maybe I'll succeed?

I haven't done enough.

I... I'm a sinner!

His eyes were sour and his heart felt unspeakable grief.

He can't help imagining the scene of human defeat and destruction after a thousand years.

Just then, the bedroom door was opened and Zhong Lei in men's pajamas came in.

She didn't see Chen Feng for the moment, but lowered her head and muttered some melody in her mouth.

Then she looked up again and saw Chen Feng, whose face was as gray as death. He was frightened and rushed up, "what's the matter with you?"

Chen Feng's dead fish eyes slowly turned to Zhong Lei's face.

Looking at her concerned eyes, Chen Feng's eyes gradually recovered some vitality.

He took a deep breath and said slowly in a sad tone that others could not understand: "Zhong Lei, I failed, I failed to cross. I have no past. I have lost my ability to travel through time and space and change the future. I... we will lose. In a thousand years, mankind will no longer exist."

Looking at Chen Feng's rare and extremely decadent appearance, Zhong Lei was stunned for a long time.

Then she slowly sat down by the bed, picked up Chen Feng's hand and gently scratched his fingertips in the palm of his hand, "didn't we think about it thoroughly yesterday?"

"Huh?"

"Did you get to the point? We are the part left behind! In the future, you are still waiting for us to create a better present for him! How can you be sure that you lost your crossing ability, not that we were left behind? Do you have evidence? Why don't you think in a good direction without evidence? What are you thinking?"

Chen Fengmeng was shocked and stunned.

They looked at each other like this for five minutes.

He scratched his head in embarrassment. "Yes. Is it possible?"

Zhong Lei patted his head, "it's not possible, but it must be. We must believe it and tell ourselves!"

"Ha... Ha ha... Right, right."

Chen Feng suddenly realized one thing.

No wonder in the previous timeline, I had a period of dormancy after each crossing. I didn't show up, deal with people, or even do anything, which seemed very watery and salty.

He really didn't take it seriously at that time. He didn't think there was a big problem.

In the past, every time he looked through history books, his perspective spanned thousands of years, and even his "short" life in the past was often hundreds of years.

In such a long time span, the empty window period of only one or two months is really insignificant.

Looking back from the perspective of historical data, even if Chen Feng himself did not appear in public during this period, he was still behind the scenes in the things he planned to promote, so he didn't think carefully and couldn't find anything strange.

Now Chen Feng understands.

In fact, this period of time is their own low period.

Such pain and panic will be experienced every time.

They must complete psychological construction and tell themselves that there is this possibility in order to adjust and restore their working state.

If Zhong Lei is not around today, Chen Feng feels that with his own character, he will probably choose to hide, then gradually recover, slowly come out of the tip of the ox horn, choose self paralysis through continuous self encouragement and spiritual hint, and believe in the second better possibility, so as to strive for life along the established policy with great willpower.

This process is easy to say, but how many negative emotions, psychological twists and turns, and how many times he struggled in the mire of despair, Chen Feng can only speculate and imagine, which is difficult to describe.

He suddenly grinned and turned to hold Zhong Lei's hand, "it's good to have you this time."

Zhong Lei: "yes, I should."

"It's nice to have you."

After a moment of silence, Zhong Lei suddenly grinned, "but from now on, we are doomed to disappear, false people."

Chen Feng was stunned and then smiled, "ha, OK, but it doesn't matter."

"Yes, it doesn't matter. What matters is how much civilized wealth we two false people can leave for the future and the reality of the future."

"Well, cheer up and work."

Chen Feng chatted with Zhong Lei for a moment, then had breakfast together, and drove her to Mason college in person.

Yes, Zhong Lei lied last night.

She didn't ask for leave.

Chen Feng watched Zhong Lei walk into the gate of Mason college.

She turned back as she was about to turn the corner into the corridor.

They waved from a distance.

Chen Feng turned around, got in the car and was ready to drive away.

Zhong Lei called him again.

"In fact, I conceived a new song this morning. I won't have class today. I'll get out the lyrics and basic melody first."

"What song?"

"Happiness to the nth power."

"Eh, what a tacky song name."

"Happiness is a very tacky thing, firewood, rice, oil, salt, sauce and vinegar."

Chen Feng smiled, "but I believe this song will be very special."

"Of course. By the way, I've learned Yodel singing again recently. I'll let you listen to it next time."

"Ah? Want to sing into the song?"

"No."

"When will you listen?"

"Guess."

Then Zhong Lei hung up.

Chen Feng scratched his head for a moment, but giggled again and drove on.

Life always goes on, and the future is still unknown.

Everyone should strive on his own road.

Chen Feng is going to the headquarters of the North American branch.

He thought of fat Ou again in his mind.

Fat man, you must be busy reading reports and getting familiar with business.

As soon as he arrived yesterday, the fat man had signed up for the MBA major of the University of California, Berkeley in advance.

In fact, the fat man already has an MBA Certificate, but he is going to study again to make up for the mistakes he made when he fooled around in the past.

Recently, fat people have formed a bad mantra.

"Master, I will not let you down, nor let my father, my daughter-in-law and my children down!"

Chen Feng doesn't like the mantra of fat people very much.

He has different views.

Fat man's words reminded him of the thinking cocoon of the 31st century in the last timeline.

Chen Feng also reflected that there was a biggest problem in people's outlook on life in the last timeline.

At that time, people struggled and worked hard not for themselves, but for the recognition of others.

This covers a wide range of others, including family, relatives, friends, teachers, colleagues, anyone in the whole society, and the ancients who "know under the spring".

Taking the galaxy warrior as an example, when most people become Galaxy warriors, they think that they can honor the family and raise the social status of the community.

He felt deeply when he returned to the capital of Shu. At that time, his family and relatives praised him for all kinds of expectations, as well as his achievements and glory.

At the same time, other family descendants are always eager to get his recognition, but the family friendship is very weak. Everyone is still busy and tries their best to do their own things. What they say is that they will never humiliate you, the top soldier.

Time continues to go back. Since 2500, the core belief supporting the world has become to prevent the efforts of the sage Chen Feng from being wasted and disappoint the predecessors.

On the surface, this is a good habit and a shortcut to firm will, but taking a shortcut will inevitably pay a price.

The price is that later people artificially built a thinking cocoon room.

Chen Feng now thinks this is all wrong.

People's belief support should not be based on the approval of others.

The essence of this outlook on life is vanity, which is also an integral part of the core framework of the cocoon house of thinking.

People's struggle motivation should be more based on self drive.

Faith should be self realization of life value.

Endogenous power is stronger, more durable and stable than exogenous power.